...But why?...
Published February 2008
Have you ever wondered why kids tend to get what they want? OK, with our busy commercial lives these days, we're all susceptible to a bit of guilt management on their part. And, anyway, who enjoys denying their children anything?
But so often in our researches into effective Living Sales® behaviour, we come across skills that children display naturally, that adults appear to have lost. The skills of Persuasion – especially in Negotiation – are a case in point.
As we grow and progress through the education system, we are taught that in order to make a convincing case, we must marshal as many arguments as possible in favour of our point of view. In theory, the bigger the pile of reasons, the more persuasive the case and the easier it will outweigh the opposing view.
Theory may work in academia, but in commercial interactions it can be very dangerous...
Let's say we are asked to justify a price that we have put on the table in a negotiation. Our first reason will usually be our strongest. However, as we trot out each successive reason, they tend to become weaker and weaker. Eventually, if we are not careful, we come out with a reason that is so weak, the other party can counter it with ease. By association, this discredits our whole argument and position. The Huthwaite term for this is 'Argument Dilution'.
Children know this instinctively, and they also know something else that is a Huthwaite adage: Logic is not persuasive.
When they want something, they stick to one strong argument – usually one that is very difficult to counter with logic – and they just keep repeating it. Recognise this?
Parent: "Why do you want that?"
Child: "Because I do!"
As well as avoiding Argument Dilution themselves, children are expert at luring us into it! What's the most common question that children ask when they are told they can't have something? That's right – "But why?" – and they keep asking it. Again, we adults bring out reason after reason until we come up with one that is unsustainable. We either give in, or fall back on "Because I say so!" and immediately feel guilty and unreasonable.
Of course, "Because I say so" is actually a strong response and a good enough reason, depending on the child's age.
Skilled negotiators have either managed somehow to retain their skills, despite their education, or have relearned these skills. They have learned that Persuasion in Negotiation is not about piles of arguments; it's a two-stage process:
'Creating doubt' is asking questions to probe and undermine the reasons that the other party is using to justify their position, questions very much like "But why?". 'Creating movement' is encouraging a first concessionary move – however small – away from that position.
If you want to know more and learn how to rediscover those childhood skills you have lost, have a look at our Negotiation Skills Programme or read the article Ten Commandments of Negotiation. They may put you on your way to getting more of what you want...
